DELIBERATELY DIVERSE | by Stefania Thomas
“Deliberately Diverse” represents the thoughts and opinions of Taylor friends who almost never completely agree about anything but enjoy diverse discussions in our beloved community.
We hear about love all the time in television, movies, music, books and in daily conversation. Love is mentioned in religious texts. Jesus taught his disciples to love the Lord with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Feeling the emotion of love is one thing, cultivating love and translating that love into action is another. Picture someone you love deeply. Maybe this is your spouse, a parent, a child, a pet.
Notice how your heart feels when you think of them. Your heart might feel warm and open.
You might feel a sense of joy. You might feel the desire to protect that person from any harm that might come their way.
One of the ways to translate that feeling of love into action is through attention. Some people have said that paying attention is the most basic way of showing love.
One of the ways to pay attention is by listening.
Otto Scharmer, a Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor, describes four levels of listening: downloading, factual, empathic and generative. At the downloading level of listening, people are not fully present.
Listening is only a transaction or a confirmation of what they already know – or what they think they know. If you are listening to your loved one from this level, you may only be seeing your projection of them, not who they truly are.
With factual listening, people’s interest piques when they hear new information. Scientists, for instance, are trained in factual listening because they seek out information to disprove a hypothesis.
Factual listening may lend itself to debates between people seeking to find meaning. However, if you are in conversation with a loved one who is seeking your attention and love and you approach them from this level of listening, chances are you will be creating disconnection and harmony rather than love and compassion.
Empathic listening seeks understanding. The listener can imagine themselves in someone else’s shoes and deepen their emotional connections to each other.
This kind of openhearted listening builds trust and deepens love.
Generative listening goes even further. Generative listening allows us and our loved one to connect to not only the present moment, but to something greater.
Like a coach encouraging her team to greatness or a teacher inspiring his students, this kind of listening can connect and transform. It creates space so the person being heard can be “listened into” their own greatness or healing.
Learning to listen empathically and generatively is like emotional exercise. If this is new, it might take some practice and dedication.
But the practice is well worth it. This kind of listening can help us better understand and empathize with the people we already love deeply as well as help us learn to understand and empathize with our neighbors who may come from many different backgrounds, beliefs and perspectives. Listening well is a way we can demonstrate our love.
Isn’t it time to listen?
Thomas, who joined the Taylor community in 2021, is a scientist, chaplain and advocate.
